Tuesday, October 23, 2018

I Do Not Know What I Want to Do With My Life

The title says it all. I'm am really being vulnerable admitting it but it is true. For those who don't know me in real life, here is some information about myself.

Background Information: 
I currently attend the University of Texas at Austin and am a student at one of the top business schools in the country (in regards to the undergraduate level). I am a sophomore and almost have enough credits to be a junior (thanks to AP and dual credit). Everybody who attends UT is intelligent but I'm at the lower end of the spectrum when comparing myself to my peers (basically, don't expect for me to have a 4.0 GPA). No where near that actually. Everything else you want to know about me is on my LinkedIn (yes this is a plug)

My LinkedIn

Continuing what I was saying.....

I know for a fact what things I'm passionate about, and numbers are not one of them (so all ya'll accounting and finance majors can keep that).  I know that whatever I do in the future, I want to be helping people and using my business education to aid with that. So basically, working with social enterprises (not-for-profit, for-profit, etc.) to help bring some good in the world. Honestly, if I could I would just drop out of school and devote all my energy into the Panth and interfaith work (but as my mom would say, that's not gonna bring you any money in and that I could forget that idea).  But I really am kind of fed up with school and I really do think that the modern higher education system is a scam. But I got to do something (plus my parents would be angry if I didn't go).  And this semester.....oh boi. If on a scale of 1-10 you asked me how much I study I would say.......a 2. If it's not something I'm not passionate about *cough cough* accounting *cough* I won't study. No matter how much I yell at myself that I need to study, my mind says no. And on top of that, ever since the semester started I physically feel drained. I would describe it as depression but without being mentally depressed. Some of my grades have suffered but I really don't care anymore. But tbh, I probably will care a whole lot when finals roll around 😕

But back on topic, I don't know what I want to do with my life. Most of my classmates are recruiting for the Big Four and Fortune 500 companies, but I'm not about that life. I don't want a lot of money, just enough to pay the mortgage and take care of my kids. I don't know, maybe this all stems from the fact that I'm living off campus this year (which means more likely to slack off). Or maybe I need to transfer schools (which would be a huge blow since being at UT is a golden opportunity to advance ahead in life). Or maybe do have a little depression going on. Or maybe I need to take a break (which is probably not going to happen). Or maybe I am really not meant to finish school and do something else with my life (don't think I don't hear all ya'll Punjabis grasping in shock 😂).

Whatever it is, all I know it is in God's hands now. I've been prayed about this a lot to Guruji lately that whatever I'm meant to do in life, lead me in that direction. And I don't know what that direction is but what I want from ya'll is not career advice or "you need to blah blah blah"  but positive vibes/thoughts/prayers. Seriously, I never ask to people to pray for me but I need some right now. And for those who actually do it (which I know 90% of ya'll won't) thank you.

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa! Waheguru ji ki Fateh!

P.S. I'm sorry I rambled. This is just me turning my raw thoughts and feelings into words. I been keeping some stuff in for a long time and need to get it out.

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